Forgiveness is a choice that needs to be made in order for you to be able to break the chains that will keep holding you back, unless you take the step to forgive yourself and the person or persons that have hurt you. In this case, we are talking about forgiving the one person whom hurt us the most and that is our ex partner. If you are reading this and you are still in the relationship (please think about getting out) and you can start the forgiving process from now, so please read on as well, so you can find out why you should and its a must for your mental and emotional well being. For those reading this blog, that are not in a toxic relationship, and are having other types of troubles, forgiveness also plays a big part in order for you to move forward, because you must know that you are in need to forgive yourself from what ever is holding you back.

As you finished reading the above paragraph, you must be like, what… Forgive him, how in the world can you have the nerve to tell me that I need to forgive someone who did so much hurt. I know that thought and feeling very well myself, as I had them too and it took me a while after being told the same thing and then reading about forgiveness to actually understand the why behind it. You see the why behind the reason of having to forgive them, is because its the only way to really enter into the path of breaking free and healing. Before I continue, please note that forgiving the abuser does not mean that you are going to forgive him face to face. It means that you will need to forgive him within yourself, like you need to forgive yourself within, so you don’t carry that anger and hurt with you, as you move forward with life.

The Bible itself tells us:

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, brawling and slander with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you.

Ephesians 4:31-32

You see our heart is so precious to God and the last thing that He wants his daughters to do is suffer more, then they have till now. But, because we did not know any better and we were being led by the enemy also know as the (Devil) through our partners, because the Devil is here to steel, kill and destroy, is the reason why we are at a point of self doubt and self destruction. But our God is so much bigger then anything and the reason to having a chance at seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, bringing life back to our life, finding our smile and loving ourselves and others again. The only way to be able to get to those places, is by learning to let go of what was done to you, please note this is not something one could ever forget, that is part of the reality, yet being able to forgive and move on with life, its absolutely possible without a doubt, but its all in your hands to make it happen. Forgiveness is not just about saying the words. “It is an active process in which you make a conscious decision to let go of negative feelings whether the person deserves it or not.

Be aware of the negative emotions that you feel towards the other person including anger, bitterness, hurt, hatred, and jealousy. Awareness will help you to acknowledge the need to forgive. Holding on to the negative emotions is highly toxic and not good for your health, because it can lead to:

• Suppressed anger – people often get angry for any reason have issues associated with forgiveness
• Low self-esteem – lack of self-love stem from not forgiving your self or self-acceptance
• Bitterness – increases the risk of depression
• Constant worrying increases of the risk sleep deprivation and anxiety
• Blood pressure and heart disease.

Making it so much harder to make the necessary positive changes you need for yourself and your children. Ladies… your kids need you as much as you need yourself. Don’t deny yourself the chance for freedom, by keeping it all inside, not letting go and not forgiving. Its only going to take you deeper into darkness and bitterness and that is not why God gave us life. Nope he gave us life because he knew we where strong enough to live it and make a difference in it as well, not only in our lives, but in the lives of others. Plus, let me ask you… Do you want your children to go through what you went through? I am pretty sure that you don’t, I know I did not, this is why I made the choice to forgive him without actually forgiving him. Please note that the process of forgiving is not an overnight thing, it takes time (the time really depends on you).

Sincerely,

Katherinn De Camillis