Your Abusive Past Does Not Have to be Part of Your Present & Future
My name is Katherinn De Camillis and I am a Domestic Violence Survivor. I made the decision to step out 7 1/2 years ago from a 16 year relationship in which 11 years I endured physical, emotional, mental and verbal abuse. Something that no one ever wants to go through, but sadly a lot of women like myself, was blindsided by the charm of narcissistic man like himself, which later turned in to the worst 11 years of my life. Full of fear, sadness, loss of oneself and not only thoughts of suicide, but actually trying to take my life twice with popping over the counter pills as the only way out.
The one thing that kept me going was my beautiful blessing from God. In which under all the horrible circumstances that I was facing with her dad, I still had to find the strength to be the best mom to her, and make sure that she felt saved and loved, as she watched the abuse happening right in front of her innocent and little eyes. This brings to memory her question of “mommy why is daddy mean to you” and my answer to her was, he is not mean, he is just a little sick and sick people behave like that. At that age, what can you tell them really in a way that they could understand, I honestly had no idea and even if that was the right thing to say. But what I did know, was that there was no need to add more negative to the negative and bring more fear into the eyes and mind of my daughter. After all, before he turned for the worst, he was a good dad to her, and to her he was her daddy, the one that would make up stories with a puppet called Froggy and play with her. But when he turned for the worst, all of that went out the window because drugs and alcohol was more important then being there for her, and even tuning his life around for her.
Finding the courage to finally stand up to him without fear was one of the best moments of my life, but it was not easy. As I built the courage, I endured plenty of hitting, pushing, almost being choked to death and a lot of threats that If I was to walk out that door, if I left him and I took our daughter that I would never see the light of day again, and that he would make sure that no one would find me or our daughter ever. I really could not let that happen, so that is when I started to figure out, what I could do to really build the courage to stand up to him and create an exit strategy plan. The first speakers that I came across, as I started my search of what I needed to do on my end, in first figuring out how to stop all this chaos in my head of self doubt, depression, guilt, loneliness and unloved, where Jim Rhon, Tony Robbins and Les Brown. What en eye opener for me in so many levels, as to what I was facing with my ex… all this time thinking I was the wrong one and not good at being an all around woman, as he led me to believe, when in reality the wrong one was him, and I was not at fault, I was a victim stuck in the traps of the enemy, being utilized by a broken soul that had no idea how depart himself from his past trauma experiences.
From them I learned so much from listening to their audios, reading their books, taking action with what they said and even in between those moments, God was always present, trying to grasp my attention to fully turn to him. You see, all this amazing speakers and many more that are out there, all have God in their lives, but they because their audience believed in so many different spiritual worlds, they could not straight talk about God. But they managed to in a way that one would have to capture it and that is how I captured wanting to learn more about the love of God. After all, he was protecting me and my daughter without me even realizing it, and he saved both our lives, by helping me find the courage to say enough is enough and its time for me to step out and rebuilt my life and the life of my daughter.
This is where my story of breaking free, healing and rising with Gods faith starts. The last 6 years have been a process of the wildest rollercoaster, because life while being in the abusive relationship is pure hell, well life after the abuse is double hell. A whole lot to deal with and even more as a single mother… you are starting from rock bottom and the time is kicking.
Read my blogs for my story and my testimony while in the abusive relationship and after stepping out of the abusive relationship. I hope that you reading this now, and as you continue to read through my blogs, I help you see that you are more than capable in every way. You are not alone and I am here for you, don’t be afraid to reach out.
Sincerely,
Katherinn De Camillis
